Some people do many things well when they're stressed. Feeling sexy
usually isn't one of them. Stress at work, home, or in relationships can
happen to anyone. Learning how to handle it in a healthy way really
helps. You can do a lot of it yourself, and a counselor or doctor can
also help.
Partner Problems
Problems with your
partner are among the top sex-drive killers. For women, feeling close is
a major part of desire. For both sexes, watch for fallout from fights,
poor communication, feeling betrayed, or other trust issues. If it's
tricky to get back on track, reach out to a couples counselor.
Alcohol
A drink may make
you feel more open to sex. But too much alcohol can numb your sex drive.
Being drunk can also be a turn-off for your partner. If you have
trouble drinking less, seek help.
Too Little Sleep
If your sexual
get-up-and-go is gone, maybe you're not getting enough sleep. Do you go
to bed too late or rise too early? Do you have a sleep problem like
trouble falling or staying asleep, or a condition such as sleep apnea?
Anything that messes with a good night's rest can mess with sex. Fatigue
saps sexy feelings. Work on your sleep habits, and if that doesn't
help, talk to your doctor.
Having Kids
You don't lose your
sex drive once you're a parent. However, you do lose some time to be
close with kids under foot. Hire a babysitter to nurture some time to be
partners as well as parents. New baby? Try sex during baby's nap time.
Medication
Some drugs can turn down desire. They include some of these types of medications:
- Antidepressants
- Blood pressure medications
- Birth control pills (some studies show a link; others don't)
- Chemotherapy
- Anti-HIV drugs
- Finasteride
Switching drugs or
dosages may help -- ask your doctor about that and never stop taking any
medicine on your own. Tell your doctor, too, if your sex drive stalls
soon after you start taking a new drug.
Poor Body Image
Feeling sexy is
easier if you like how you look. Work on accepting your body as it is
today, even if you're working to get in shape. Feeling good about
yourself can put you in the mood. If your partner has low esteem, assure
them that they're sexy.
Obesity
When you're
overweight or obese, desire often dims. It could be that you don't enjoy
sex, can't perform like you want to, or are held back by low
self-esteem. Working on how you feel about yourself, with a counselor if
needed, may make a big difference
Erection Problems
Men with ED
(erectile dysfunction) often worry about how they will be able to
perform sexually, and that worry can drain their desire. ED can be
treated, and couples can also work to keep it from affecting their
relationship.
Low T
The "T" hormone,
testosterone, fuels sex drive. As men age, their T levels may drop a
bit. Not all lose the desire for sex as this happens, but some do. Many
other things -- from relationships to weight -- also affect a man's sex
drive and testosterone levels, so there's not a one-size-fits-all answer
for every man.
Depression
Being depressed can
shut off pleasure in many things, including sex. That's one of many
reasons to get help. If your treatment involves medication, tell your
doctor if your sex drive is low, since some (but not all) depression
drugs lower sex drive. Talk about it with your therapist, too.
Menopause
For many women, sex
drive dims around menopause. That's partly about symptoms such as
vaginal dryness and pain during sex. But every woman is different, and
it's possible to have a great sex life after menopause by tending to
your relationship, self esteem, and overall health.
Lack of Closeness
Sex without feeling close can slay desire. Intimacy is more than just sex. If your sex life is idling, try spending more
non-sexual
time together, just the two of you. Talk, snuggle, trade massages. Find
ways to express love without having sex. Getting closer can rebuild
your sex drive.
